


Our Love, Our Lives

by Nikka001



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Bonding, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Future Fic, Eventual Relationships, F/F, F/M, Family Bonding, Father-Daughter Relationship, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Forced coming out, Future Fic, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied Relationships, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Relationship, Late Night Conversations, Late Valentines Day Gift Exchange, Love Confessions, Miscommunication, Past Relationship(s), Pre-Relationship, Reunions, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Wedding Day, valentines day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:35:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22770343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikka001/pseuds/Nikka001
Summary: He waited too long and now he's lost his chance.She has waited for so long and doesn't know what she did wrong.Some things have got to change.
Relationships: Billie Rollins/Original Female Character, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins, Jesse Rollins/Original Male Character
Comments: 21
Kudos: 83





	1. I Only Want You

**Author's Note:**

> I've spent the last couple days on this one and honestly, I'm kind of in love with it. It took me a minute to get the flow of it right but hopefully, I did these sweet babies justice. I apologize if they're a little OOC but I did my best.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> -Annika

* * *

It sits strangely in his stomach when he sees the unfamiliar objects crowing up the desk near Rollins’. Picture frames and notebooks and pens, none of which he remembers seeing before. It isn’t until Liv calls him into her office to talk that he finally learns what’s been going on. She’s seated at her desk when he walks in and closes the door behind him. 

Before she can say anything, he gestures out towards the once empty desk. “Did you uh, hire another detective? I don’t remember that desk being filled last week.”

“Yeah. Officer Khaldun is going to be assisting us for a little while. He heard we were short-staffed and offered to help out.”

Carisi nods but it still doesn’t sit right with him. 

“He and Rollins are out right now investigating a report.”

That’s why. He’s Rollins’s partner now. 

“I see.” He doesn’t though. Why does she need a new partner? “So, they’re uh, they’re partners now, huh?”

Liv removes her glasses, folds them and holds them in her hands as she leans forward to rest her elbows on her desk. “Counselor, is there something wrong?” 

He turns away from the window when Liv questions him. He’s not quite sure what’s happening but he knows that he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like it at all. He knows that Liv knows that too. She always knows everything before anyone else. 

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Can we--do you mind if we reschedule? I know this is important but--”

“It’s fine Carisi. Go on. We’ll talk later.”

He mumbles a thanks to her as he exits her office but his feet falter when he sees that Rollins and Hasim have returned with their suspect. Hasim leans in and says something to Rollins before leading the suspect off down the hallway towards the interrogation rooms. He manages to regain his composure long enough to make a beeline for the front doors. He doesn’t know why but he feels nauseous all of a sudden. And then she stops him, a smile plastered on her face. A smile that he thought was reserved only for him but now, he’s not so sure. 

“Hey, you got a minute? Jesse made you a video this morning and was begging me to show you.”

He can’t do this. Not now. His stomach is churning and he knows he’s gonna be sick. “I can’t right now. Sorry. Just uh, send it to me, yeah?”

Before she has a chance to answer him, he’s out the door and around the corner. He doubles over and retches onto the ground next to the brick building. A lady passing by offers him a drink of her water to wash out his mouth; he accepts, thanks her, and then continues on his way home. With any luck, he could drown his sorrows and pass out before he had to think again. 

* * *

It’s been two months since they’ve talked and Amanda is going out of her mind trying to figure out what went wrong. She’s frustrated, not only with herself for not figuring it out but with Carisi for seemingly avoiding her every chance he got. She’d tried to talk with him a few days after their last conversation but when she’d said his name, he went rigid. He’d gathered his things and said his goodbyes to the rest of the team as he fled from the room. 

She’d tried so many other times but each time he just acted like she hadn’t said a thing and moved on, without sparing her a glance. 

But now, she wasn’t just frustrated. Now, she was pissed. It was one thing for him to completely ignore her for the last two months, but to ignore Jesse was a whole other thing. For the last year, Carisi and Jesse had developed a tradition. Once a month, he would pick her up really early and treat her to a pancake breakfast. She always looked forward to it and when he didn’t show up the first time two2 months ago, she was sad but Amanda reasoned with her daughter that he was probably just busy. But then he missed again. No call, no text, nothing. 

That was the final straw. Hurt her feelings all you want, but mess with her girls, you’re in for a whole world of hurt. No matter who you are. 

“Hey Cap, you mind if I head out early? There’s something I need to take care of.” She hears herself asking before she even realizes that she’s formed the words. 

Olivia looks up from her paperwork at Rollins’ voice and finds the detective standing in the doorway to her office. She seems more agitated than usual so Liv takes pity on the younger woman. 

“Yeah. Of course. Have a good night.”

Amanda tries for a smile but knows she’s failing. “Thanks, Capt. You too.” 

She waves goodbye to Fin and Kat, gathers her things, and makes her way to the front doors where she heads out into the cool spring evening breeze. 

* * *

A loud noise from his front room stirs Carisi from his daydream as he sits at his dining room table, food untouched in front of him. He takes a moment to compose himself and then stands and moves towards the door. The banging sounds again before he’s made it there and he all but throws the door open when he gets it unlocked. Any form of an irritating remark he has on his tongue is gone within a second when he sees Amanda on the other side. Her face is etched into a scowl and she quickly folds her arms across her chest. 

“Rollins. What are you--”

She doesn’t give him a chance to finish his thought. “We need to talk. Now.”

He knows he doesn’t have a way out. Not now anyway. With her standing so close, he just wants to give her everything. So, he drops his gaze and steps aside to let her through. She marches through the threshold of the apartment and immediately senses something off about the place. Maybe it’s the lack of light from the undrawn curtains or the days worth of takeout boxes littering the floor and any other surfaces. Or maybe, it’s both of those and everything. It doesn’t feel as inviting as it once did.

She hears the door shut and lock and then his socked feet on the creaky wooden floors as he approaches her. He isn’t approaching her though. Instead, he moves around her to stand near the large window opposite her, avoiding her gaze at all costs. This isn’t him. Something is wrong and she is going to figure out what it is. 

Taking a deep breath and letting her arms drop to her sides, she takes a minute to compose her thoughts and what she’s going to say to him. It’s going to be harsh. Unforgiving and frustrated. Just like how she feels. 

That’s not what leaves her mouth. “We waited at the cafe for you. For over an hour.”

His shoulders tense and he turns his body away from her just a little bit more. Good. He deserves to feel bad.

“Jesse refused to eat and then was silent the whole way home. I heard her crying a little while later while she was playing with Billie. When I asked her what was wrong, you know what she said to me?”

He shakes his head.

“She asked me if she did something wrong. If that’s the reason that Uncle Sonny didn’t wanna have pancakes with her. I held her in my arms and told her no. Of course not. Because her Uncle Sonny is a good man and could never be mad at her. I’m really hoping I didn’t lie to my little girl Dominick so you better have a damn good explanation as to why you stood her up.”

Neither of them had realized how close she had gotten during her speech and when they do, he’s the one to take a step back. A few steps actually. He stepped back enough to wedge himself through the space between the dining room table and the wall until he was a fair way away. 

Then, he finally speaks, “Not one you’re gonna wanna hear. Just drop it, okay? I’ll make it up to her later.”

He knows her well enough to know she’s not gonna drop it but he wishes right now that she would. 

“No Domonick. I want explanations. Now.”

He sucks in a sharp breath and walks around the table until he’s a few steps from his old partner. There’s something about the way he’s holding himself now. And the way his face looks when he’s looking at her. He almost looks too rough and jagged to be her Sonny; even in his old beat-up jeans, socks, and NYPD T-shirt. 

“Fine, you want an explanation? It’s because of you Amanda. It’s because of how mad I am at you. I’m so mad at you, that I skipped out on one of the only things that make me feel good. And on top of that, I’m mad at myself for being mad at you.”

She takes a step towards him and is pleased that this time he stands his ground. “Don’t you dare say this is on me. What the hell did I even do, huh? What did I do that was so bad it merits you acting like I don’t exist for weeks!”

His resolve finally snaps and he shouts, “You replaced me!” 

She’s taken aback. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“With him. Hasim. You replaced me with him as your partner.”

She realizes now. Her eyes narrow into angry slits and she takes another step forward while jabbing a finger out at him. “I didn’t replace you with anyone. You left! You chose to leave the squad and the unit so don’t you dare be pissed at me for getting assigned a new partner. You know damn well that wasn’t my call.”

The look he was wearing before has been replaced by one that she knows all too well. Regret. 

“You think I wanted to leave you behind? Dammit, Amanda, I would’ve stayed your partner forever and you know that.”

She can feel the tears pricking at her eyes but she’s determined to get through this without a single tear being shed. It’s hard when she’s looking at him. Both of their deminers are starting to fail and soon, they’ll both be messes. 

All the emotions are becoming too much. She asks the questions she doesn’t really want the answers to but knows that she needs them. 

“Then why didn’t you?” Her voice cracks but she continues on, “Why’d you have to leave?”

“Because I had to. You know I had to. It was my one chance and I took it.” 

They’re both emotional now. He’s trying not to cry but she has already begun. How did they get to this point? What happened between them?

She sucks in a shaky breath. “Then why the hell are you mad at me?”

He opens his mouth to say something but closes it again. She knows there's something he wants to say but he won’t let himself say it. She needs answers though so, she pushes again. 

“Dominick,” she reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder, “tell me why.”

He moves his shoulder out from under her hand and turns to look back at her, his cheeks wet since he’s finally let the tears fall. “I can’t ‘manda. You know I cant.”

“The only thing I know is that I haven’t seen my best friend in weeks. We’ve had 4 cases in the last 2 months and during all of them, you managed to avoid me. I barely was able to get two words in before you came up with some excuse to bolt. Just like you did the other day. And I want to know why.”

“Because I love you.”

It feels as if she’s stopped breathing. Her throat hitches and her mouth goes dry. Of all the reasons, she wasn’t expecting this one.

“I love you and I lost my chance. I waited too long to say anything and now it’s over. You don’t need me anymore. Not when you have him.” His voice falters on the last few words and it breaks her heart. She’s never seen him like this before.

“Carisi, I--”

He waves her off and takes a step back when she steps towards him. “It’s okay, Amanda. I know I lost my chance when I left. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t regret leaving you. I wish I didn’t but I know I had to. I worked so hard and when the opportunity presented itself, I took it. And I lost you because of it. And I’m sorry.”

Her feet are moving before she has a second to think about what she’s doing and in an instant, her hands are on his face and she’s smashing their lips together. She starts to panic when he doesn’t react and then she feels his hands grab her waist and hold her tight. She’s wanted to do this for a while and now, she doesn’t want to stop. But they both need to breathe. So, she breaks away and he chases her lips, his eyes only opening when he can’t find her again. They look at each other for a moment, both of them breathing heavily. Neither one sure what to say and neither one willing to risk ruining this moment. Their moment. In the end, Rollins speaks first. 

“I don’t have him. He’s not who I want and you know that. I want you, Dominick. And only you. You are my best friend and you treat my girls as if they were your own. They adore you and I will never let anyone replace you in their lives. In my life. I love you Dominick Carisi and you’re an idiot if you ever thought otherwise.”

Carisi says nothing but she can see something in his eyes change. The look in them before, one that she now recognizes as frustration and fear, has now changed to one of something she can’t quite place. It’s special though, a look that she knows he only saves for her. 

“Amanda.” He says her name so low that she can barely hear him, despite how close they are. 

She moves one hand to rest on the back of his neck while the other stays on the side of his face, and pulls him back in for another kiss. This time, he doesn’t hesitate and kisses her back. She smiles into the kiss as he walks them backwards towards the bedroom. No protests are heard from either party when they push through the door into the small room. He kicks the door shut behind them and leads her to the bed where, as they lay down together, he pulls back from the kiss. 

His words are breathy when he speaks. “Are you sure?”

She nods and smiles up at him, “Yes.”

His smile matches hers and she pulls him back down into a kiss. 

* * *

A warmth blossoms in her chest when she opens her eyes the next morning. She’s greeted by the most beautiful sight she could ever imagine. Blanketed in the sun's rays and his lower body covered with the comforter, Carisi lays next to her sound asleep. This is her new favorite version of the man she’s come to love. So serene and at peace with himself and the things around him. He’s laying face down with his head turned towards her and one arm tucked beneath the pillow. Reaching over she traces the bunch of freckles that are scattered along the skin of his back, her hand going higher until she reaches his neck where she proceeds to run her fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck. She stays like that for a few minutes, grateful that he seems to be such a heavy sleeper and content with staying here for as long as they can. 

And then she spots it. A small red gift bag is hidden away behind a pile of clothes on the small side table next to his bed. She eyes it for only a few seconds before her curiosity gets the better of her and, with the bedsheet wrapped around her, she leans over and plucks the bag from its spot and places it in her lap. The top of the bag is tied closed with a silver ribbon which she expertly unknots and discards to the side. 

She pulls open the bag and digs through the tissue paper until her fingers brush up against two objects at the bottom. Wrapping her fingers around both items, she lifts them out of the bag and tosses it to the side while she holds the two boxes in her hand. They’re small black ring sized boxes. She throws a quick glance over her shoulder at the sleeping figure next to her and when she’s sure he’s still asleep, she pops open both lids. 

Sitting inside the boxes are two identical round silver lockets, one with a J engraved in the center and the other with a B. They were simple and yet so intricate at the same time. The sight of them took her breath away and she couldn’t help but run her fingers over the engravings. She was so entranced by the sight of the lockets that she barely noticed when his arms wrapped around her waist and his chin came to rest on her shoulder.

“Got ‘em a few months ago. Was gonna give ‘em to you on Valentine's Day but we weren’t talking. Didn’t know what to do so I just hung onto them. I know it was probably a dumb idea but--” 

Amanda shakes her head. “No. They’re not dumb at all. Sonny, they’re beautiful. Really.”

Sonny presses a kiss to the area between her neck and shoulder. “You think the girls will like them?” 

“I think they will love them.” 

“Yeah?” 

She turns her head to give him a kiss, one hand coming up to cradle his face and turn his head to get a better angle. When she pulls away, a smile is on her face as well as his, “Yeah.”


	2. Important People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im·por·tant  
> adjective  
> of great significance or value; likely to have a profound effect on success, survival, or well-being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick notes for this chapter:
> 
> Amanda and Sonny got married when Jesse was 9 and Billie was 6. They have been married for 15 years. They are now 58 and 59 respectively. 
> 
> Also, because we never get specifics of when any of them were born or how old they actually are, these are my rough estimates. If you don't agree, that's fine. These ages just make sense to me so that's what I'm going with. 
> 
> I will also say that, in my mind, Jesse kind of adopted both Rollins and Carisi's accents so she has kind of a southern-new yorker kind of accent. In my head, I can hear it and when I read through the story I can hear it but if you guys can't, that's fine. 
> 
> That being said, enjoy!
> 
> -Annika

“Jesse, honey, you look beautiful,” Amanda told her daughter as she stood behind the young woman in front of the mirror. Both had smiles on their faces as they took in the sight of the crisp white fabric that cascaded down Jesse’s body. It hugged her in all the right places and never failed to amaze either woman with its beauty. A matching lace veil laid on the edge of the bed, waiting to be pinned into her hair which was tied up expertly into a braided bun just above her neck. 

Jesse turns to face her mother, the smiles still on both of their faces. “Thank you, momma. So much for all of this.”

“You deserve it.” She pulls Jesse in for a hug, careful not to wrinkle the fragile fabric. “I’m so happy for you. You know that, right?”

“I know momma.”

Amanda pulls back and takes Jesse’s hands in hers, “Just promise me that you really want this, okay?”

“Momma!” Jesse cries in frustration. They’ve had this argument so many times yet her mother still refuses to budge. “I love Daniel and he loves me. You know that.”

Amanda holds up her hands in mock surrender. “Alright alright. Just wanna make sure you know what you’re doing. I know how nerve-wracking your wedding day can be. Cold feet and all that.”

Jesse whirls on her mother, the skirt of her dress billowing out as she turns. “I do not have cold feet. Wait, did you have cold feet?”

“On my wedding day? You bet I did. Both times.”

The young bride’s eyes go as wide as Amanda has ever seen at the surprise information and it’s then that Amanda realizes her mistake. “Both times? What do you mean both times?”

* * *

“You told her that we called off the wedding?” 

Amanda sighs as she takes a seat on the bench outside the bridal suite next to her husband, her dress bunching beneath her. 

“It just sort of slipped out. And then when she asked what I meant, I told her everything.”

“And now?”

“Now she’s freaking out. I tried to calm her down but she’ll only talk to you.” Taking in a deep breath, Dominick glances down at the watch that’s poking out from beneath his suit sleeve. They’ve only got 20 minutes before the wedding is supposed to start and it’s starting to look as though it may not even happen. He just hopes he can keep Jesse from calling the whole thing off.

Leaning over, he gives his wife a kiss on the cheek before standing from his seat, his limbs aching when he stands up fully. Damn old age is kickin’ his ass. He straightens out his pale pink tie and smooths down the wrinkles in his suit jacket as he crosses the hallway to stand outside the hotel room door. He only has to knock once before he hears a muffled reply come from behind the closed door. Taking it as an invitation, he turns the handle, pushes the door open and steps inside letting the door close softly behind him. 

“Jesse?” 

He scans the room but sees nothing out of the ordinary until he spots what he recognizes as Jesse’s wedding heels discarded on the floor at the end of the bed. Curious, he bends down to grab the shoes when he hears a noise coming from inside the connecting bathroom. The door is closed enough when he stands back up that he can’t actually see inside but he can very clearly hear the breathing of somebody in distress. It isn’t until he hears what sounds like soft humming coming from behind the door that he realizes who it is. He takes a few steps towards the bathroom and gently pushes open the door. His heart breaks when he finds Jesse sitting up against the cupboards below the sink, her knees pulled to her chest exposing her bare feet and silver painted toes. She’s humming to herself and doesn’t notice him walking towards her until he’s standing in front of her. 

She looks up at him, tears in her eyes and when she sees him completely, she smiles. “Daddy.”

Sonny smiles back down at her. She’d dropped the ‘Uncle’ from his name when Amanda and he had gotten married and only started calling him ‘Dad’ about 4 years ago, on her 20th birthday. It’d been weird to hear her call him it at first but after a while, it just fit. And today was no exception.

“Hey baby girl, you doing okay?” When she shakes her head and the tears start falling, Sonny says nothing more and just works his way down to the floor to sit next to her. 

Neither says anything for a few minutes, him letting her take some time until she’s ready to explain, and her trying to find the right words to explain why she’s so scared. 

“I love Daniel. So much.” Her voice sounds smaller than it has in years and it hurts him to know that she’s going through so much and he can only do so much. 

“I know you do baby.”

She sniffles and turns to look at him, waiting until he turns to look at her back before she speaks again. “Then why do I feel so sick? I could barely eat this morning and then when mom mentioned that you guys called off a previous wedding, I felt even worse. I just--how do I know if I’m doing the right thing?”

Sonny opens his mouth to reply but then shuts it again. He’s honestly not really sure how to answer her question. When he and Amanda had gotten married, they’d both been through plenty of relationships at that point to know that what they wanted was real and that what they were doing was right for them. With Jesse though, it was different. She’d met Daniel in Junior year of high school and neither of them had been with another person since. They’d only known each other and no one else. They were all that each other wanted. He knew exactly what that was like. 

“Do you remember when you were four and your mother and I came home that one night with presents for you and your sister?”

Jesse smiles at the memory and her hand immediately goes up to grab hold of the locket still worn around her neck. “Yeah. You opened them and showed us the picture inside. The one of us when we were all together on Christmas the year before.”

“And do you remember what I told you about that picture?”

“You told us not to worry because the most important people in our lives will one day end up as a picture in our lockets. And that no matter what, remember to always hold onto what is most important.” 

Sonny’s heart swells up at the memory and he feels so proud that she actually remembers what he said to her. “That’s right. Now, tell me, who’s inside your locket?”

Hesitating for a moment before opening the locket, tears start to fall once again when Jesse sees the pictures inside. On one side is the picture that had first been put in there all those years ago and on the other side, Daniel. 

“It’s our family and...Daniel.”

“Jesse, Daniel has now become one of the most important people in your life. You wouldn’t have put him in there if you didn’t think so.”

With tears still falling, this time even harder, Jesse throws her arms around her father and holds onto him as tightly as she can. He chuckles under his breath and raises one arm to hug her back. 

“I love you, daddy.”

“I love you too baby girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope you all like this chapter. The next one is going to focus on Billie so don't worry, she will get her moment to shine. 
> 
> I am also going back and forth on if I want to write a proposal chapter or wedding chapter for our main couple so leave me a comment below letting me know which chapter you would rather see. 
> 
> -Annika


	3. No Matter What

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because we're different doesn't mean we can't love as fiercely as you. 
> 
> It's because we're different that we love those just as messed up as ourselves.
> 
> It's because we're the same that our love never waivers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you all will soon read, this story takes place a few years before Chapter 2 and quite a few years after Chapter 1. There's no need to read them in chronological order. I really just got these ideas in the same way that I posted them so don't worry too much about it. 
> 
> I have also updated the tags so be sure to take a look at those too if you feel the need to do so before reading on. 
> 
> Also, quick warning ahead: There is one use of a homophobic slur. It's quick but does do some damage. Believe me, I don't write it lightly but it was my choice to write it in and if you feel uncomfortable reading it, then I encourage you to walk away now. 
> 
> That being said, I hope you all enjoy. 
> 
> -Annika

Amanda rubs at her temples for what feels like the millionth time that day as Billie runs around the apartment at full speed, yelling for her mom to keep looking. Amanda assures her that everything is fine but the young teen just won’t budge.

“I have to find it, mom! We have to keep looking!” The girl is nearly in tears as she pulls away couch cushions and throw blankets to search beneath them. 

“And we will Billie, I promise. But you also have a swim meet in 20 minutes and if we don’t leave now you’ll be late.” She tries to reason with her daughter but it’s no use. The panic has already set in and at this point, there’s only one thing that will calm her down. 

Unfortunately for Amanda, it’s the one thing they can’t find. 

Billie groans as she ducks down to feel inside the space below the couch. Her voice is muffled by the carpeted floor but Amanda hears her nonetheless. “I’m not going until I find it. I can’t.”

Letting out a sigh as she takes a seat at the kitchen island, Amanda resolves herself to the fact that her daughter is hands down the most stubborn fifteen year old she’s ever met and most likely will miss practice over this fact. She’s been that way ever since she was a child and at this point, it doesn’t even phase her anymore. If she misses out on the last home meet before the regional meet then that’s on her. 

The sound of keys in the lock alert her to the time and she glances over at the wall clock, a smile settling in on her lips when the time is confirmed. Half-past five on the dot. Not once since they’ve been married has Dominick been late coming home from the office and it makes her smile. He doesn’t have to and he knows that but he still does anyway. The doorknob turns and soon her husband is walking through the door, briefcase in hand and jacket draped over his arm as he shuts the door and locks it behind him. They smile in greeting at each other while he sets his things down on the chair by the door and pulls off his loafers to leave them underneath said chair. 

When he takes a step towards her, she shakes her head and then gestures silently over to the living room where Billie is still currently crawling around on the floor in her desperate search. He gives her a look but she says nothing and takes a drink from the mug of coffee sitting on the countertop in front of her. Curious, Dominick steps into the living area and chuckles when he sees their youngest daughter sprawled out on the floor with one arm stretched out beneath the loveseat. 

“Billie?”

The young teen’s head pops up when she hears her name and her eyes go wide when she sees Dominick standing at the edge of the rug. 

“Dad!”

Billie pulls her arm back as she stands and runs to Dominick, her arms instantly wrapping around him in a tight hug. He returns the hug happily but when she pulls away, her face is wet with tears and her breaths are coming in hiccups. 

“Billie, what’s wrong?”

She sniffles and wipes her nose with the edge of her varsity sweater sleeve. “I lost my locket.”

“What do you mean you lost your locket?”

“I took it off for my workout at Kendra’s earlier but forgot to put it back on and then when I got home I couldn’t find it.” The tears have become heavier and she buries her face in her father’s chest, her tears no doubt soaking through his jacket. He wraps his arms around her and rubs her back but still manages to look back at his wife seated at the island, a semi-sympathetic look on her face. 

“We’ve been looking for it for the last two hours. Can’t find it anywhere.”

Dominick sighs and continues to rub Billie’s back until he’s confident she’s calmed down enough to have a conversation. 

“Billie, look at me,” She lifts her head to look him in the eyes, her own are rimmed red with tears. “You don’t need to cry, okay? I promise you I will look for your locket while you and mom are at your swim meet. Sound good?”

She sniffles. “You promise?”

“I promise. Now go or you’re gonna be late.”

With tears finally dry, her bag packed, and a quick goodbye to her dad, Billie is out the door and down to the car before Amanda can even grab her keys. She shakes her head but walks over and gives her husband a kiss on the lips, waving goodbye as she takes her leave too, locking the door behind her. 

* * *

Dominick spends almost an hour and a half looking for the locket before ultimately deciding to give up for the night. He’s already checked under every cushion, cabinet, and bed in the place with no luck. Finally loosening the tie around his neck, Dominick sighs and falls down onto the couch. The second he hits the cushions there’s a knock on his front door. He groans but knows that if he doesn’t answer they probably won’t go away. His neighbors aren’t that considerate. It takes him a minute to stand from his position and then he’s walking towards the door. He unlocks it and pulls the door open, a pleasant smile spreading across his face when he sees the familiar face standing on his doorstep. 

“Micheal, hey. Oh, Kendra’s not here. I think she’s over at the swim meet with Amanda and Billie.”

Kendra Miller was Billie's best friend. Has been since they were six. And Michael was Kendra’s dad. He was a fairly tall man with dark brown hair that was graying at the sides, much like Carisi’s was at that age and his eyes were a sort of golden Hazel color. Something that was reflected in the eyes of his youngest three children. Kendra had her mothers’ eyes though, a dark brown with specks of gold. 

Micheal was a kind man but strict with his children. He holds them to standards that some thought were almost impossible but he always stood by his decisions. Which is why something felt off the Dominick the second he took in the man’s appearance. He looked almost uncomfortable in the way he stood outside on the front step, his feet shuffling back and forth and his eyes hardly ever meeting Carisi’s eyes completely.

“Micheal, everything okay? You look a little nervous.”

Micheal finally raised his eyes to meet Dominick’s while he retrieved something from his back pocket. “I found this in Kendra’s room when I was cleaning up earlier. I think it’s Billie‘s.”

When he showed his hand, Billie’s locket was dangling from his fingers.

“You found it! Wow. Thank you so much. She’s been going crazy looking for it everywhere.”

He grabbed the necklace from Micheal and admired it for a few seconds too long when Micheal coughed to bring him back to the conversation. When Carisi looked back at Micheal, he had a weird look on his face. One that this time, made Carisi feel uncomfortable. It didn't seem like this conversation was going to end very well.

“Listen, Dominick, I uh, I know that Kendra was supposed to stay over here for the weekend but I don’t think it’s gonna work out after all. In fact, I don’t think I want Kendra to come over here anymore.”

Dominick furrowed his brow and folded his arms across his chest. “Okay well, Kendra’s been staying over at our place since the girls were eight. I didn’t realize it was such an issue. Is there something wrong with our place?”

He was getting defensive now, he knew that but he couldn’t help it. The feeling of someone judging his girls or his home, and someone that he’s known for years, is a feeling that he never thought he’d actually experience. Until now that is.

“Not your place. Your daughter.”

“I’m sorry, say that again?” The feelings were rumbling low but he knew it was only a matter of time before they finally boiled over.

Standing up straighter, Micheal raised his gaze so he could send a firm glare Dominick’s way. One that Dominick matched with the same, if not more, amount of intensity.

“I said there’s something wrong with Billie. I found Kendra’s picture inside that locket and before you say anything, I know exactly what it means when your girls put someone’s picture in there. Billie’s talked about it plenty before. So imagine my surprise when I find my little girls’ picture inside Billie’s locket.”

Carisi stood his ground if not for fear that the second he tried to move he’d end up sucker punching his neighbor. “Sorry but, I still don’t see what the problem is.”

“The problem is your daughter is a dyke and I will not have her corrupting mine!”

“Dad, stop!” 

Both men looked over at the voice calling out to them and Dominick’s heart stopped. Amanda, Billie, and Kendra had pulled in without either of them noticing. All three were standing outside the car, Amanda with a furious look on her face and Billie standing next to her, her skin white as a ghost, mouth gaping and eyes wide. Kendra though, she made Carisi’s heart shatter. She was standing closer to the two, her face red and tears streaking down her cheeks. Her damp hair was dripping down her shirt where it laid on her shoulder and her hands were shaking. There was no doubt in Dominick’s mind that she’d heard most if not all of her father’s words. The venomous words that he spewed out about his daughter’s best friend. 

“Kendra. We’re leaving now. Let’s go.” Bastard didn’t even have the decency to apologize before he was marching towards Kendra and grabbing her by the arm to lead her back home. She struggled against him but he was too strong and his grip tightened on her wrist which in turn made her cry even more.

“Stop it! You’re hurting her!” Billie raced forward and pried Micheal’s hand off Kendra’s wrist, pushing Kendra quickly behind her and shooting her foot out to catch him in the shin. Michael stumbled and grabbed at his leg in pain.

Billie took the chance and turned around to face Kendra, pulling her in for a hug, arms wrapping tightly around the other girls trembling body. She was whispering something into Kendra’s ears and even though no one could hear it, Dominick was sure his daughter was trying to comfort her best friend as best she could. 

When Micheal moved towards the girls, Amanda had finally broken out of her frozen state and stepped out in front of him, one hand on his chest. “You touch my daughter and I will arrest you for assault. Back off.”

“Billie… I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I—” Kendra apologized through hiccuping sobs but Billie just shook her head and remained as calm as possible. He knew she was struggling to hold herself together but he also knew that she would always put Kendra first, no matter what. 

Billie moved her hands from around Kendra’s waist and grabbed her face, holding it close to hers. “You have nothing to be sorry about, alright? This wasn’t your fault. I love you. You know that. But you need to go now. It’s going to be worse if we keep fighting him. Just go, please.”

Kendra nodded and hesitated for a second before leaning in and pressing their lips together. It was sweet and chaste and didn’t last long. Pulling back, Kendra touched her forehead to Billie’s. “I love you too.” 

“I know.” Billie finally let a few tears fall. 

They separated when Micheal stepped forward, a subtle look of guilt on his face as he leads Kendra away and down the street towards their house at the end of the block. Kendra only looked back once to give Billie a sad smile which Billie returned with a wave and smile of her own. 

When Kendra was finally out of sight and she couldn’t hold it in anymore, Billie let out a gut-wrenching sob and fell to the ground, her bag landing beside her. Amanda and Dominick were by her side in an instant, Amanda’s arms immediately wrapping around her daughter and Dominick holding them both whiles kissing the top of her head. They held her there for what felt like hours as she cried in their arms until it finally got too cold and dark for them to stay outside any longer. So, picking her up in his arms, Dominick carried Billie to her room and laid her in her bed. She hadn’t stopped and he honestly didn’t know if she ever would. 

In the end, she ended up crying herself to sleep while Amanda cried in her husband’s arms as they sat out on the couch listening to their daughter experience her first heartache. 

“What do we do now? How do we fix this?” her shaky voice whispered to him. 

“I don’t think we can fix it this time. She was just outed in front of her family. That’s not something we can fix. She had her choice taken from her and there’s nothing we can do to give it back to her. The only thing we can do now is be there for her.”

“But what if it’s not enough?”

Dominick took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’m just hoping that knowing we’re there for her is enough to help at least a little.”

Kendra’s family moved away three weeks later when Micheal got offered a promotion at work that required him to move cities. Billie said nothing about it but when Dominick found her sobbing in her room the night they found out, she wrapped her arms around him and held on for dear life.

* * *

Billie was in her freshman year of college when she saw Kendra again. She’d changed her hair, chopping it off to just below her chin, and had filled out some since the last time they saw each other but Billie knew it was her. She still had the same smile, same laugh, and the same flecks of gold in the eyes when the light hit her just right. Billie could barely breathe when she saw her standing at the top of the amphitheater steps, smiling brightly in the sun and waving around flyers for some social the school was holding later that night. It was like a dream when she saw her again. She never expected it, after almost five years and yet, here she was. 

She took no time in walking across the schoolyard, around the amphitheater, and over to the booth set up behind Kendra. Her flyers were raised high in the air and her back was to Billie when she approached the booth. She wanted to say something to her directly but she couldn’t. Not yet at least. So instead, she turned to the two students occupying the booth, a young man with black hair and glasses and a young woman with tight curls tied back into space buns on top of her head. 

The young woman smiled at her. “Hi there. I’m Anita and this is my boyfriend Jay. We are part of the welcoming committee for all incoming students and are here to help you with any questions you may have. We also can help you look into any extracurriculars if you’re interested.”

Billie smiles back as a plan forms in her mind. If the Kendra now is anything like the Kendra she knew before, then she knows exactly how to get her attention. She just really hopes it doesn’t backfire. 

“Hi, Anita. I am actually looking into doing some extracurriculars now that you mention it. You wouldn’t happen to know who to talk to about the Swim Team, would you?”

Anita’s smile seems to get brighter. “Actually, it’s funny that you mention it because we have a member of the swim team helping us out here today. She should —-oh, there she is. Kendra, come over here a sec!”

Billie watches almost in slow motion as Kendra turns around and on spotting Billie standing only a few feet away from her, proceeds to drop the stack of flyers she was holding letting them be swept up in the warm summer breeze. She watches as the recollection hits Kendra like a ton of bricks, her eyes growing wide and her lips parting ever so slightly. Billie smiles at her and her heart flutters when Kendra smiles back. Her heart almost beats out of her chest when she realizes that Kendra is moving forward, determination clear on her face and a fire in her eyes. 

Her heart stops altogether when Kendra grabs her by the waist, pulls her in close and crashes their lips together. She doesn’t hesitate though when she matches the fierceness of the kiss, her hands finding their way to Kendra’s hips and holding on, afraid of what will happen when they both let go. 

They don’t let go though. 

It takes the sound of other students cheers to pull them apart, both resting their foreheads against the others as they murmur ‘I Love You’ to each other but neither moving their hands. They smile and laugh at each other but stay that way until they can’t take it any longer and eventually pull each other in for a long-overdue hug. They cling to each other, both with tears streaming down their faces. Only this time, the tears aren’t out of fear and sadness. This time, they are tears of joy, love, and the overwhelming feelings they have for one another. Feelings that this time they know cannot be snuffed out. No matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, I have an idea for a follow-up but before I even start it, I need to know if 1) you guys liked this story and 2) if you guys even want a follow-up. So, let me know in the comments below if you guys want it. I am all ready, just say the word!
> 
> -Annika


End file.
